Some people shouldn’t have nice things…

August 20, 2019

Real time (I know, I know…. I’m still a week behind in posting but this can’t wait)

It is Tuesday morning and I am getting ready to (reluctantly) leave my Airbnb in Trois-Rivières, QC, about halfway between Québec City and Montreal and 1/3 of the way to Ottawa, ON, my destination for the next three nights. My host is out of town, out of the country actually, and when I arrived last night his brother showed me where my room was and gave me a quick tour of the house. I am staying in the basement but in an area his brother very accurately described as my host’s ManCave. Bar, pool table, popcorn machine, video projector, plush leather furniture, fireplace, should I stop now???

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There are pictures all over the walls of this guy, taken literally all over the world. I don’t know what the hell he does but I want to be him (unless he’s a drug dealer or the brother of Jeffrey Epstein who wasn’t named in the will).

But let’s talk about the shower, which I got out of about 15 minutes ago.

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He’s got one of these huge, high tech, walk-in showers with water jets coming out of every conceivable nook & cranny. My host in Gaspé had one of these, too. Well – no one tells you how they work.

As I did in Gaspé I gingerly turned the two square knobs until I determined the right mix of water pressure and hot/cold mixture. I went about my business and I admit I enjoyed the luxury.

Then I went to turn it off.

I didn’t remember which knobs I had turned which way and just twisted both counterclockwise, assuming that was OFF. I was mistaken. Out of the “wand” thingie below the two square knobs – ZAP – a blast of ice cold water right to “zee privates”.

See, I told you it couldn’t wait.

I swear, the company that manufactures these things probably had hidden cameras installed and I’m probably on YouTube already. DON’T LOOK, ETHEL!! (Shout out to Ray Stevens and The Streak).

My host deserves everything he’s got but this is a classic example of why some people (me) shouldn’t have nice things. It’s about me. It’s always about me.

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